Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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