Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
