I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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