Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
