I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so let's talk penis.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
