rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
