I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
