If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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