Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
