I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
