so that wasnt chicken after all
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
