At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
