You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
