My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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