i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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