the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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