Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
