drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
