did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
