I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
