Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize