you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
