No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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