they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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