Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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