Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
