FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
