You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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