yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
