so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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