If that was your dad, he is hot
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't turn off my feet"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
