The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize