I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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