and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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