Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
