Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
