Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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