The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
