I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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