margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
