So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
