I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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