i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize