only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
