you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
