Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
