with your own penis?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
