Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
