maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Don't tell me you're on acid again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
