my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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