What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
