Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You ruined the universe
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
