Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
