u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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