i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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