4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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