So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
