we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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