please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
