something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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