Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
