Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
