I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
