so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
