Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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