I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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