Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
