I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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