You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
