remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
