so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
