You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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