Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
