You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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