I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
