yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
