Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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