a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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