And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
